Hello there! This post will be a bit more devoid of deep ponderings and reflections, instead just a little note of recent activities and any associated thoughts. This is roughly the kind of pattern I plan to continue as well – spacing out the thought streams with some whimsy.
After my rather self-critical period of reflection, I deigned to ‘go with the flow’ a little more, and chose to embrace the raw experiences and ‘moments’ of summer. Allow myself to be content with present moments, that kind of thing. Thankfully, the sun got a little more confident and revealed itself.
So me and my house did a whole lot of beach, as the many following photos will express.
I watched boats on my friend’s balcony. For some reason, there was a live orchestra playing Pirates of the Caribbean nearby, which distracted me from any particularly deep reflection.
Kynance cove. When I was last here, the tide was in, such that we could swim to an unoccupied side of the beach. Alone and without our phones, it was an awesome experience.
That’s me! I’m not sure how I feel about only wearing shorts for my second photo on this blog, but it’s too cool to disregard. I have a fear of deep ocean water, so I felt proud to swim there.
Carrot cake! Baking is fun. I can’t go a week without carrot cake or banana bread nowadays.
And then kayaking! I love it so much. Me and my friend must’ve gone at least half a kilometre from the shore. Then the wind might’ve blown us half a kilometre further as we chilled out. Relaxing in a kayak in the deep blue of the ocean is such a lovely experience.
Finally, some beach reading after the kayak journey. Doing activities like this in unorthodox or new places makes it much more engaging and fun. I would like to do so again.
Okay, photo stream over.
So, three beach visits happened over three days, from Sunday to Tuesday. I may have also been working from 3-11am on Sunday and Tuesday. And at some point during the time, I managed to catch some sleep. Frankly, I’m not quite sure how I made it all work, but what I do know is that I found those three days really fun, from both an outwardly interactive perspective, and from an experiential and fulfilled ‘inner’ perspective.
Maybe its just the action of momentum and the flow of keeping busy, but I found myself excited for work, events of the day and even excited for sleep, when it was possible. I’m not someone who usually likes sleep for an array of reasons, but I was very much enjoying it as a disorganised spontaneity and natural consequence of energy, as opposed to a requirement of time in consistently spaced periods.
This time though, I wonder if ‘keeping busy’ like that is an ideal, or something to balance.
I’d compare it to the Japanese concept of ‘Mushin‘, meaning ‘No-mind’, described as the absence of being ‘stuck’ in thought in the action of something. Simply put, it is the state of instinct, flow and ‘being in the zone’, where you attune to what you are doing and naturally react or respond to any challenges without thought. If you’re an artist of any kind, including a game developer, you know what this is.
Mushin calligraphy… I lay my interest in Japanese mindful beliefs very bare to see.
This kind of state is incredibly powerful, and without even registering it, really enjoyable and fulfilling. Everything just makes sense, and whether it occurs in the process of game development or in an active flow of life, is extremely productive for doing whatever your instincts carry you towards.
When you eliminate all possibilities and focus on what is certain by rite of instinct, and devote time only to what is certain, theoretically you can remain in that state for a long time. Definitely much longer than three days. This is where I change my mind about the lack of ‘deep ponderings’, and ponder… is that happiness?
Based on my experience, I would like to say yes, but I’m not sure if it’s that simple. It is advised health-wise to get regular amounts of sleep at the same time each day – a consistent sleep schedule. This is the opposite of what I experienced – sleeping as a natural response to daily events, for wildly different periods and times. I really enjoyed this, but it is still studied to be a negative thing and affect your ‘Cortisol’ levels, that kind of thing.
And there’s another thing too. Recently, I’ve frustratingly lacked an ‘itch’. For at least a month, I haven’t felt motivated in the same way I’m used to feeling, and there hasn’t been that moment where I get the ‘itch’ to do something, creatively or otherwise. That moment where an idea strikes, with passion, motivation and action following. I’ve missed it.
I primed myself to ‘explode’ into action as soon as it did. But it hasn’t happened.
Coincidentally, I’ve been working for nearly a month now, and definitely pushed myself to pursue my goals for a period of time beforehand too. In the process, I devoted much of my mental space towards those goals, which is mental space (and time) which has been entirely filled for at least a month. Suffice to say, maybe it isn’t a coincidence, and that leaving that space empty, whilst still being open to thought, is necessary to receive that ‘itch’.
That’s also advised health-wise. To give yourself space and time, be easy on yourself, yada yada. Even so, I do not like to be idle-minded. Balancing out doing stuff with… not doing stuff? It makes sense, but is dissatisfying, especially with the goals I want to fulfil.
But that missing ‘itch’ is a very good argument to leave that space open, both in my physical schedules and my mental palace. It’s a chaotic and uncontrollable thing, and that motivation can be fickle, but I miss it nonetheless, and I’d like to give myself the opportunity to receive it. It seems an impossible task to clear enough space for something that doesn’t exist yet, but I’m willing to keep myself a little less busy to invite it to manifest, should it wish to.
Anyways, yapping aside, this blog post went into a little more depth than intended, hehe. What are some of your thoughts? Whether you’ve been keeping busy as well, or taking some time to relax, I’d like to hear.
Thank you for reading! Next blog post will arrive sometime in the next year, probably.
cake good